Life's Unexpected Curveballs & Divine Intervention

There are a few instances in life that are significant to people. Off of the top of my head I would say that short list includes graduation from college, marriage, death, birth and buying your first house.

In each of those situations life becomes slightly more complicated or complex. When you graduate from college there is an assumption by most that you become a bona fide adult, you now must live on your own, start a career and pay your own bills.

That’s a big deal.

So it is for the other things on that short ordered list. While it may be a good complication, in most cases marriage, birth, death and home ownership is stressful, complicated and complex in different ways {good and bad}.

Many conversations ago Nick and I concluded that we did not want to have children. While I sometimes struggle with that choice, not because I want kids but because I think that’s what is expected of me, I know that our decision to be parents to fur babies is a better fit for our lives.

I feel blessed to be in a relationship with somebody that has the same expectations in that department as I do; many times people believe they can get their partner to change their minds later. Changing somebody is never the answer.

Nick and I will never have to worry about that {hopefully}.

So what other things make an incredible impact on life? Marriage.

Ah, marriage.

Well, I would officially like to announce that…

Nick and I…

ARE…

NOT ENGAGED!

Nope, he did not pop the question and I don’t have a diamond the size of Pippy’s head on my finger, yet. Though that definitely is something Nick should think about, in a very serious way.

*Wink, Wink*  {I hope he reads this.}

Okay, Okay, I will stop beating around the bush – Nick and I are going to buy a house… our first house!

We have been tossing around the idea since we moved here last year. When we made the move to the D.C. metro we figured this would be where we plant some roots and stay awhile. At the beginning of this year we started looking at a bunch of houses online just to get a sense of what we like and if what we liked was affordable. Originally I wanted to live in a single-family home and Nick wanted to live in a condo. In an attempt to make him happy, I agreed to take a look a couple of condo communities being built north of us.

I instantly fell in love with the first property we saw.

Seriously. It was an instant love affair.

It was roomy, it was designed to the nines, it had {well offered} everything we had ever dreamed in a home. I wanted to put an offer in on it immediately.

Yes, I lost track of reality.

If you could see the property you likely would not blame me.

It was reasonable and close to the price point that I had hoped we would consider our max. However, something deep inside of me thought I should continue to look around.

It didn’t hurt that Nick was telling me out loud that we had to continue to look. Plus, there was another builder/developer that he favored in the same community building condos down the street. I appeased him {thinking he would see things my way later} and we went to see the other condo.

Nick fell instantly in love with this property.

And, like the good girlfriend that I am, I instantly despised everything. So I went room to room picking out exactly what I hated about it. I made a pretty significant mental list of my complaints so that when the conversation happened {and I knew it was going to happen} I would be able to specifically explain to him why I hated the property.

First, it was decorated for my grandmother.

Second, it was almost $100k more than the property that I loved.

Third, and that’s when it happened, I drew a blank.

So I did what any reasonable person does, I started to use his points against him.

Fourth, ‘oh, you like that it’s almost 3000 sq ft? But you said you want a smaller property. Point for me!

Really, we went back and forth for months about these two properties. And as we debated each of the new buildings were going up in price. So that now Nick’s believed property was beyond our price point, yet he was still considering it. He wanted to make it work. There was no talking him out of it. And it was driving me crazy.

How does somebody not recognize a property that is beyond his or her financial means? It’s like going out and buying a car that has a payment larger than your monthly salary. That doesn’t work. Ever.

I was hard pressed and going crazy, so I suggested getting a realtor. When Nick finally caved and saw the utility in having a realtor, I felt a weight lifted off of my chest.

Enter: Robert.

Almost instantly Robert became a useful asset to me. After viewing the condo Nick loved, he told Nick that it was overpriced for what you were getting and likely beyond our financial ability.

Whew. I thought I was safe.

Yet we still talked about it. And, much to my chagrin, we still continued to visit it. Even this weekend, with Nick’s parents visiting, we took another trip to our beloved community. Though to give Nick some credit we always planned to show our parents the first two places we believed to be the bottom of our threshold.

Meaning, we did not want to pay any money for a house that we were not going to like. I mean, we live in a fabulous place right now. We are renting a fabulous apartment. Realistically speaking if the property owners would allow us to tare down the wall separating the two apartments we would buy the property that we rent today. Combined the two apartments would be 2200 sq. ft., 6 bedrooms {if we wanted} and four bathrooms. However, that was not an option. So we agreed that we would look for a house that is the equivalent to our apartment style living we are used to. If we could not find something, we would continue to rent.

More and more it seemed we would continue to rent. There was nothing out that that we fancied and it was slightly depressing.

Anyway, let’s come back to this weekend. So we took Nick’s mom and dad to the two original condos. Nick believed they would each love his property and not be impressed with my original selection.

Boy was he wrong.

They really liked the property that I fell in love with, pretty much for the same reasons that I had. He had to admit defeat. {To be fair, his parents thought his property was equally as beautiful.}

Condos are a funny thing. You get your square feet in vertically, which means there are a LOT of steps. I was huffing and puffing each time I had to climb the stairs. However, for us, we thought that we could accommodate that small thing. But when we start to think of our families, our daily lives and the possibility of getting hurt, the steps are not easily dismissed.

Condos were becoming less of an option.

So on Sunday, without our realtor because he cancelled on us, Nick, his parents & I went real-estating. We found properties we were interested in. We looked, we called, we reconsidered and continued to look for hours and hours.

We happened upon a set of condos that were being built. They had less steps and felt more like a regular home. It was the style that Nick and I really love. We fell instantly in love with the idea of these buildings but there were a few red flags that made all of us slightly uncomfortable. However, one thing really stood out and that was the location.

In an attempt to understand what these homes would be worth in a few years, Nick and his dad asked about the comps in the area. The agent for this developer did something that is probably frowned upon in the field – he answered the question… truthfully. Sort of.

Nick was persistent and the agent knew he could not dismiss the fact that his buildings were located strangely. So, in an attempt to make his property appear more lucrative, he told us about a property a couple of miles away that were essentially comparable. But he told us they were going to be wildly more expensive.

We went there.

Even though I complained that it was late, I was hungry and slightly bored.

We went to this property. Exactly 5 minutes before they were expecting to close up shop and enjoy the rest of their Sunday afternoons, this property was visited by the four of us.

I will thank GOD for the rest of my life that we went to this property. I will thank GOD for the rest of my life that Nick’s dad wanted to go check this place out. I will count my blessings forever that we happened upon this amazing place.

Nick and I found an amazing new construction.

It’s a home.

It’s a place that we can live for the rest of our lives it we wanted to.

It has EVERYTHING and a million more things.

After an hour we knew walking away from this property would be a critical error in our lives. The lot that we wanted would likely not be there 12 hours later. It was perfect. And somebody else was going to recognize that, too.

We gave them a check to hold our dream home, the lot that we wanted and the style that we liked.

Nothing made sense. Really. None of it made sense.

It was not a condo. It was not an end unit. It was not in the location that we once expected to call home. Everything about this place was wrong.

But Divine Intervention cannot be fought.

And, yes, I believe this had everything to do with Divine Intervention. This place is absolutely perfect. Nick and I don’t even have to consider selling and finding something better for us in 10 years.

I will share some of the details about our beautiful new chapter in later posts. I feel like everything is too new and I don’t want to jinx anything.

However, there is a moral of the story: don’t give up and don’t settle. Oh, and listen to the experts. I am talking about Nick’s Dad and the people upstairs that helped guide us to this place. It was nothing less than a miracle.

It’s important to know what YOU want. It is important to know what YOU can afford and it’s important you take your time when making life-changing decisions. We knew that we didn’t want to be stuck living in a place that would not make us happy. We knew that we wanted to live in a nice area, with nice amenities and that offered a lot in the way of community and safety.

In the next weeks we will be making more decisions about our home, our lives and our futures. Because Life is Complicated Enough… it is important that you find a match in your life that makes sense. That means find a person you love for who they are, not who they could be or who you want them to be, find a home that fits your lifestyle, your tastes and does not break the bank. Do not settle for anything less than you deserve. Fight hard for what you want, but don’t fight against the opinions and suggestions of others. It is important to consider others and their experiences. Sometimes the unexpected choices in life can you lead to happily ever after.

Ask me, I can tell you.

Until Next Time,

Be Happy. 

Life Everlasting

The circle of life is a remarkable journey.

I am sitting here trying to find words to articulate how I am feeling, but instead my head is filled with emotions and not words.

I am sitting here thinking about life and death. I just deep fried a turkey, made stuffing and a pie. My life should be filled with aromatic Thanksgiving scents and joy, but it is not.

I have a lot going on. And my life is going to get a little more complicated in about a month. I keep asking myself why I made the decisions I have made. Why did I have to go to college? Why did I think getting a Master’s Degree and going to law school were pertinent to my life? Why did I feel like I made the right decisions with education only to be stopped at the door of opportunity because our government squanders away our money and, because of that, our opportunities for success?

I think these things every single day of my life.

I am thinking these things right now. But death is permeating through my body and mind. Life continues when somebody dies.

My grandmother, my mom’s mom, is going to die. The doctor’s believe it will be any moment now. They forget about faith. However, with faith comes a responsibility to be reasonable – it’s a delicate balancing act that must exist so you do not lose touch with reality and reason.

Many people will say my grandmother was a great woman.

Many people will mourn her death until the day they die.

Many people will question whether she had guilt before she died. Did she feel remorse, sorrow, empathy for the bad decisions she made.

I have no idea how to feel.

I grew up protected from my grandmother. You see, as soon as my mom had the chance she ran away to start her life in a fresh environment. So at 19 years old, after exhaustive hours working her job, my mom saved up enough money to move away. She followed the path of the tip of a pencil to Central Pennsylvania where she has remained since that fateful trip all of those years ago. She has lived with the pain from a childhood not protected. And because she never wanted me to feel that pain, she protected me from everybody who could cause me pain; she protected me from those people who caused her pain.

I will forever be indebted to my mom for her courage and love for a child not yet born. I will forever be grateful that my mom had the strength to stand on her own. She saved my life before she even knew I was hers.

So I mourn for my mom in these critical days. I cry with my mom because I feel her pain. But mourning the death of my grandmother is a different story.

I was never close to her. Thankful for my mother’s protection, I have never had regrets about not having a relationship with my grandparents. However, I am sad. I am sad that the life that is ending is causing such pain for the people that I love.

The circle of life is a funny thing. One day you’re born. One day you die. The most powerful decisions, situations, and choices all happen in the middle. It is all of those situations and choices that determine the type of person you become; the type of person you are.

I cannot speak about all of the decisions my grandmother has made during her life, but she failed catastrophically and that is how I will remember her. And I hate myself for it.

In the end she is surrounded by everybody she hurt. Those people are a testament of faith, of courage, of overcoming pain; they authenticate my belief in God every single day. Because how could He not exist when all of these amazing people are uniting to mourn the death of a person that they love, that they care for, that they call family despite the horrific decisions she made?

I will spare the bad decisions my grandmother has made because this post is not about tarnishing anybody’s name or reputation. I mean, I care about my grandmother. I love her for what she is to me. But I have a hard time marrying the love I have for a grandmother that I never had a chance to know intimately with the mother that raised my mom.

Because life is complicated enough when you feel alone and full of emotion, I needed to write something down. I already have all of this other weight on my shoulders, and I know it’s not going to stop because a life is ending, I thought I would reach out to the world wide universe. I thought if I put all of my emotions and thoughts, regrets and feelings out there in the world maybe the world can take on some of these pressures so that I can be strong for my family during this horrible time.

I know that I cannot be the only one out there that has a difficult time marrying who the person once was with who the person became in the moments before they died. I don’t know if it’s normal, if it’s allowed, if it’s damaging, disrespectful or unfaithful to be feeling such a disconnect but I know the next couple of days are going to be hard and exhausting. I want to be there for my mom the best that I can without losing myself in a situation that I’m trying to keep a distance from.

I need your prayers. Not for me, but for my mom and family.

God our Father, 
Your power brings us to birth, 
Your providence guides our lives, 
and by Your command we return to dust.

Lord, those who die still live in Your presence, 
their lives change but do not end. 
I pray in hope for my family, 
relatives and friends, 
and for all the dead known to You alone. 

In company with Christ, 
Who died and now lives, 
may they rejoice in Your kingdom, 
where all our tears are wiped away. 
Unite us together again in one family, 
to sing Your praise forever and ever.
Amen. 

I want you each to know that I appreciate and love you all! Your support means the world to me. Thank you for choosing to be part of my journey in life. 

Much love,

Mel

First Blogiversary Countdown. Many Thanks. Big Expectations

Hi Foodies. It’s Wednesday afternoon on the day before September begins and I feel like I am on the verge of some profound revelation, but the universe is messing with me. I cannot find the words to talk about anything right now. I have tried to create a ‘Because Life is Complicated Enough…’ and I have even considered typing up a new food blog, but every time I start typing nothing profound comes out. In fact, at this very moment, I have typed more than I have all morning.

Seriously? I am at a loss for words right now. What the heck is wrong with me?

In other news, I had a pretty tough night last night. There is no need for me to get into the details of the night, but I will tell you that I really did not sleep last night and I started recreating my blog. I am still in the middle of it all and hope that there will be more incredible changes in the days and weeks to come. I am learning it all on my own because I do not want to pay for a company to do it for me. I do not want to irritate my foodies, so I will likely not be announcing all of my updates until everything is complete and set in stone; and, most importantly, when I am satisfied with the final outcome.

I do have a small announcement to make. As some of you may have noticed, I have an anniversary coming up. I have a little counter at the top left hand of my blog counting down the days. I put it up, hoping that it would remind me that I have to step up my game in the next month and get something together to celebrate. It is a huge milestone – like when you make it through your first year of marriage or something? I mean, that’s a pretty big deal. This blog has become my little virtual baby; I have coddled it, spent countless hours feeding and building it and relentlessly promoting it. I want it to grow, I want it to blossom and strengthen and I want it to grow into a beautiful bubbly virtual hotspot.

How do I do it?

Well, currently I am giving my virtual baby a makeover; I hope it gives her some more character. Second, in the weeks leading up to my first Blogiversary, which occurs on October 19, I want to try to hit the 2000 followers mark. I want to do an AWESOME giveaway and I have some mighty plans, but I am hoping that I can hit the 2000 follower mark by October 19. What do you all think? Am I dreaming too big?? Do you think that I can gain 500 followers in six weeks?

I hope to make my blogiversary week something as special for all of you as it will be for me.

To close out this post, I want to take a minute to thank you all for your continued support. I love you all.

I love all of my followers – those people who come by daily to talk and share with me, to encourage and support me. This entire adventure would be boring without you all. I appreciate that you take the time out of your busy lives to talk with me each day. Thank you!

I love all of my fellow foodie pages/blogs. I feel honored to be considered among such inspiring and talented people. You all inspire, encourage, and strengthen me each day. When I read some of your blogs, I smile with joy to even know a glimpse of your lives and I feel unbelievably privileged that you open parts of your lives up to me. Without you, I do not know where I would be. I fell among some of the greatest foodies that I could have ever imagined existed and have met so many incredible people.

I never thought that I would make friends doing this. I was hopefully optimistic that I would run into some people, but never the caliber of people that I have. You all are amazing. You all are inspiring. You all are talented. You all are beautiful, thoughtful and encouraging. Thank you so much for allowing me to be part of your journey and I hope you continue to come along for mine.

Until Next Time,

Happy Blogiversary Countdown! 

Dieting is Deprivation. Deprivation does not work. Dieting must DIE! <Read: Childhood Obesity>

Hi. My name is Melissa and I am addicted to food.

I am also a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers.

Who cares, right? Well, I care. And, honestly, I think more people should care, too. Weight is becoming has become an epidemic in this country across the spectrum; it is NOT isolated to a certain age group, gender or race. Nay, today toddlers to the elderly are dealing with being overweight or obese.

I deal with it every day.  And as I sit here listening to Adele belt out ‘Don’t you Remember,’ it is hard to forget that my weight is a struggle every day. Now, I realize Adele is not singing about weight in that song, but it seems like a perfect song for this particular moment when I am thinking about my past. I remember. In fact, I will always remember.

I was 175lbs in the fourth grade. I remember that. 

I remember kids making fun of me when I was growing up because I was obese. That is something you never forget.

I remember trying to eat better. I even remember joining weight watchers when I was in middle school to try to lose weight. I did. Then I gained it all back because my peers started noticing and asking about my weight loss. When that happened, I was even more aware that people knew I was overweight.

However, 21 years later something hit me. At almost 300 pounds I knew something had to change. Even now I am unaware of what actually hit me; but something did. I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted something else.

I attempted Weight Watchers again, as an adult. It worked. I dedicated every ounce of my soul to losing the weight and meeting my milestones.

And my life changed forever.

Today I am a cool 120 pounds. I weigh substantially less today than I did when I was in elementary school.

Think about that. Right now, as I sit on my bar stool, listening to music, I weigh 55 pounds LESS than I did when I was in the 4^th grade.

I want to cry. I want to scream. I NEVER want to forget how it feels to be fat and what it feels like to be skinny. It’s a delicate balancing act that I play with myself every single day; because if I forget how it feels to be either one of those things, chaos could ensue. What does that mean? Well, I will tell you. Forgetting that I was beyond obese growing up and how I felt deep down inside could allow me to become complacent. I never want to be overweight again.

Besides being an emotional drag about my life, what am I trying to say in this post? Well, if you are thinking that, I am glad. I do have more of a point. Let’s transition into that.

Obesity. Read it again. O B E S I T Y. It’s a horrid word. Now, put something more delicate in front of that word and watch it transform into something worse –

C H I L D H O O D         O B E S I T Y

That reads even worse, right? The children in this country are our future. We should be protecting them. We should be treating them correctly. We should be educating them. They should be healthy. I am ashamed sad that such a large percentage of children in this country are obese.

It is an easy disease to control; more importantly, it is an easy disease to prevent. Did you read that: PREVENT. Childhood obesity can be PREVENTED.

How? Well, I will give you some examples of just how easy it can be to prevent childhood obesity.

First, cook your own meals at home. And, no, I am not talking about deep fried fish sticks, chicken wings, popcorn shrimp, french fries and onion rings. Care enough about your children to cook them pasta, vegetables, wholesome meals.

Second, teach them why it is important to eat healthier foods. Explain to them why it is important to be healthy and active, to participate in social gatherings and to eat better foods.

Third, while you’re teaching them about all of the great nutrients found in fruits, vegetables, nuts, pasta, etc., teach them that they do not have to deprive their bodies of the fun foods. They can enjoy pizza and wings, french fries and onion rings; it important not to deprive them of ‘normal’ kid foods. Like I mentioned above, it is a delicate balancing act, but it is a critical balance.

Fourth, be active and involved with your kids. Make sure you lead by example because if you don’t, you are more likely to become complacent and your kids will too. Not only that, if your kids see you not following through with your advice, they will begin to question whether you know what you’re talking about.

Fifth, talk to the teachers, administrators, anybody in the school districts that will listen. Make sure they are serving your kids in the right way. It is important that you know what is going into your kids’ bodies; so, make sure that teachers are not ‘rewarding’ students with sweets. Do you think that is out of the question and absurd? Well consider this, my fourth grade teacher used to reward us every Friday with a big, delicious piece of sugar filled bubbalicious bubble gum. Now, that did not make me fat, but it makes a different to know what’s happening at school. In fact, my third grade teacher use to ‘reward’ helpful students with candy and treats. Again, that did not make me obese, but it is important to know what your child may be eating in school.

It is important to provide healthy alternatives in school, especially for school lunches. Now, once your drop your kiddo off at school, fate comes into play. You may very well send your child to school with a lunch packed full of delicious and healthy foods that will keep him/her alert and full for the remainder of the day. But that does not matter if your kid makes a deal with his/her friend about swapping lunches. There is a hope that another parent would have packed the same kind of things or that the cafeteria provides healthier lunches, but the reality is that not everybody is cognizant of health.

The numbers speak for themselves when it comes to obesity in this country.

Therefore, it is important to be as active as your school will tolerate when it comes to introducing new kinds of food for cafeteria lunches, talking with teachers to make sure they are cognizant of lunch swaps, etc. Somebody is going to have to be the BAD guy. And, yes, kids are going to see you as a bad guy. WHO CARES?! But with adequate oversight, life becomes less of a struggle.

Now, I am fully aware that the school day only lasts for so long and the majority of children are not coming from healthy households; there is only so much you can do without crossing the line of being too controlling and overprotective. Remember, this process is a very delicate balancing act.

That is important for two main reasons:

1. Remember, a happy meal every so often is not going to cause obesity. So, I think it is a little excessive to freak out about things like that.
2. If you are too controlling and obsessive, your kids will likely lash out in not so good ways.
   1. For example, a parent that is too controlling could make a child, when he/she is old enough to make his/her own decision, do a beeline right for all of the fast food restaurants and be a glutton. You do not want to deprive your kids of anything; you must teach them about that balancing act of healthy and not so healthy options.
   2. Second, if you are too obsessive over your child’s weight, he/she could develop a not so nice eating disorder. So, the malicious disease you so desperately tried to prevent reared its ugly face in a different way. Having an eating disorder is no joke. Believe me. Having eaten too much my entire life, I know how horrible it can be. So, I can imagine how difficult the other end of the eating disorder spectrum is also.

While there is so much chatter right now over the high percentages of overweight and obese people in this country, there seems to be the same amount of chatter about how to deal with it, especially among children. But nobody is doing anything on a large scale. That needs to change.

Here is what I can tell you on a personal level when it comes to dealing with weight at such an early point in life, especially when it comes to a child who is already overweight.

Nothing that you say to an obese child is going to feel good to him/her. That’s the simple and real fact of the matter. Believe me. And, I will tell you why.

We live in a skinny world. We, obese people, live in a country that is dominated by skinny people. It’s weird to think about when we hear that one-third of this country is obese. But we rarely see those people on television, in magazines and in other media situations. Everything that we see around us screams skinny. And, we know that we’re overweight. We know that we’re obese. We know that something has got to give, but we don’t want to give ourselves. We don’t want to give up on who we are to become part of the mold. We are so set in our ways and nothing else matters.

Being obese is scary; but, letting go of that obesity is even more frightening. It is our identity. It is who we are. And the longer we stay that way, the longer we identify with that body, that image, those excuses, our foods. Therefore, the longer we stay that way and tell ourselves that we are happy in that body, leading that path in life, the more comforted we are with our routine.

Believe me. I lived my entire life being overweight obese. When I moved beyond those mean people and into the arms of my mom who told me that I was beautiful and kind hearted, compassionate and brilliant; that I was a person who deserved love and deserved to love myself, I believed that. I believed every word that my mom said to me. My mom was there for me in moments of true personal disaster and insecurity; she was there to pick up the pieces and tell me to feel good about who I was. And, for a long time I hid behind those lies I told myself.

See? Even in moments of severe personal distress about being obese and being made fun of, I still stuck with my old habits. I turned to food. Food NEVER FAILED me. At least that’s what I thought.

But, food was failing me. Food was taking over my body; it was seizing my life. And, I deserved to have my life back.

I tell everybody that I have no idea what made me want to lose weight. Honestly, I think God pulled me from a very dark point of my life and put me on the right path. It is the only thing that makes sense to me, even as I sit here today. I know that the decision was made by me, but I have no idea why.

However, I was an adult when I finally decided to take back my life.

Enter: delicate balancing act.

A lot of these kids today may not have the time I did to make the decision; it is important that they take control of their lives back today, before it is too late.

How? How do you tell a young girl she has to lose weight? That is part of this vicious cycle of obesity. It is controversial on every level. But, I do not care about controversy. I would rather be controversial at a pivotal point in life and help change the lives of children than follow the status quo. Screw the status quo.

If people are serious about fighting this epidemic there are simple solutions that can be implemented right away:

1. Educate teachers, school boards/districts, principals, etc.
2. Implementation of healthy lifestyle, structure, learning tools in every grade level
3. Healthy options must be introduced at all levels in every school
   1. And I’m not talking about just lettuce leaves and carrot sticks. Let’s be more creative and make it fun. President Obama is spending trillions of dollars? Write to him, write to your representatives, tell them your kids deserve better. TELL THEM YOUR KIDS schools deserve some money. Let’s stop talking about obesity. Let’s start doing something about it.

TELL THEM.

DEMAND IT.

YOU ELECTED THEM.

THEY WORK FOR YOU!

REMIND THEM THAT YOU’RE IMPORTANT!

Okay, let’s move passed the politicians in Washington, obviously my blood started to boil just thinking about them. How do we deal with the children that are already obese? How do you get them on a diet? How do you talk to them about their weight? All of these questions are very important and there are tons more, I know.

Let me tell you that the solution should NEVER be a DIET. Let’s think about the verb here in this sentence: I’m going on a diet. In its basic stage, it implies that you’re going to restrict yourself to eating less food to lose weight. I personally think the strategy of DIETING is WRONG!

I cannot remember ever dieting in my life. When I decided I wanted to lose weight, I joined Weight Watchers. The basic foundation of this AMAZING Corporation is eating for your body. There is no dieting involved with WW and that is why it works.

I think the idea of a diet is sending the wrong message to kids. If you’re going on a diet, you’re likely going to come back from it, too. Right? Instead of dieting, there has to be a fundamental change in one’s eating patterns and ways of thinking about food in order for there to be long term success. That is why nobody should ever approach this sensitive topic with the idea of dieting. It should be proposed and discussed as a lifestyle, a different mentality, a new path. It is something that must always be on. And, if that is the case, if the path is permanent, then deprivation cannot be a member of the process. Deprivation coincides with dieting. If dieting is not part of our future, then deprivation must die too.

Yep. Eat a cheeseburger.

I say EAT A PIECE OF PIZZA

Go out and enjoy some onion rings and wings.

But do it in a healthy way. That’s what we need to teach kids. Eat what you want in moderation. And if you introduce exercise and activity into your life as well, then HOT DAMN you’re going to be unstoppable and healthy.

That’s how you present the delicate subject of weight to kids. You don’t give them a book about how to diet and why you have to diet. That may only reinforce the insecurity the child has with weight already. It is important to sit down with kids and talk to them on an individual level to understand how they feel and what their fears are while also coming up with a mutual plan of encouragement, acceptance and change with regard to healthy eating.

It is important that kids know they do not have to give up their favorite foods to be healthy; while also telling them that other foods are important too. Having a conversation with a child is not as hard as so many people make it. They are people. You help them understand. You talk to them the way the deserved to be talked to. You let them ask questions and have concerns,  you let them freak out and then you bring them back to reality with comforting words, advice and ideas that will help encourage them.

REMEMBER, it is important not to tell kids they have to go on a diet. There is such negatively associated with diets, as there should be. Diets are no good. Diets don’t help the cause. In fact, they cause more stress on your body and mind. Diets should die. I think this is a critical piece of the puzzle: making sure kids know they are not dieting and do not need to diet. They need to know that pizza is coming along for the journey and they are going to be able to enjoy their favorite foods, but they are going to be eating it in a different way.

It’s the first day of the rest of your life.

I AM TALKING TO YOU AND YOUR KIDS.

It’s the FIRST day of the REST of your life.

DO NOT START IT BY DIETING.

Throw out the dieting books, magazines and internet printed guides.

Our lives are a delicate balancing act and weight is no different.

Balance it the right way with an actual life change.

Balance it the right way for your kids by getting involved, talking to those people who can help, demanding the time, money and effort of those people who have the responsibility of serving you and your family; do it by changing your food course for the rest of your life.

If people can balance it the right way, they will not have to struggle everyday. Believe me, once you have an issue with weight, it is ALWAYS an issue. Even after losing all of my weight and maintaining it for 6 years, I still struggle every single day. Let's do right by the kids in the country and help them not have to struggle every day like so many of us do. 

Because Life is Complicated Enough... I do not want you to feel alone in any of your struggles, especially this one. 

You do not have to struggle for as long as I did. 

The Art of Networking. The Art of Being Genuine. The Art of Not Burning Bridges.



Because Life is Complicated Enough was created for a couple of reasons. First, I have a lot to say and am very opinionated and while I think many of my foodies can appreciate that about me, I am not certain all of my opinions and advice should be mixed in with my recipes. Second, somebody really infuriated me in the food blogging world and I needed an outlet to write about it.

That brings me to why I am writing today. Last February a pretentious foodie demanded I follow her orders… or else. Or else? She obviously had no idea who she was dealing with because I do not take idle threats lightly and I will put anybody on blast if I think they are out of order. Like I have said before, it is in my blood. However, something more happened in her moment of pure pretentiousness.

She instantly lost her ability to network with me. Networking is a critical piece to many puzzles, especially in the professional world. I am by no means a professional epicure or a professional blogger, but I do know a lot of incredible foodies who have blogs and, at one point or another, we have all helped generate support, attention and notoriety for each other.

She missed out.

What is this post all about? Well, it really boils down to networking. Networking is simply another term for developing and maintaining contacts and personal connections with a bunch of different people who have the potential of helping you further your career. Now, for most of us, the foodie and blogging world is far from a career, but this standard of communication can really come in handy when trying to expand your circle of followers and page friends.

It is important to remember that every page you encounter and every person that takes a minute out of their day to follow you is an actual person. Be nice to them.

Plenty of people will give you the networking rundown if you ask them; and, believe me, it can become very overwhelming and that is because so many people have their own views of important networking tips that worked for them.

Here are some very basic networking essentials:

• First, meet people who can actually help you attain your goal [whatever goal that may be]
• Second, collect and update contact and personal information about these people
• Third, keep in regular contact with these people. It is important they remember who you are and also that you have the stamina to maintain a relationship with him/her
• Fourth, remember to thank people for their help. Never let help from other people go unnoticed; thank them personally and remember to help them if they need help!
• Finally, do not EVER expect your contacts to do the work for you; do not EVER demand them to do something for you; and, NEVER guilt people into doing the networking for you either!

Bingo! It’s the last one. You got me. That’s why I am writing this post today. I am a woman scorned and I will not be messed with.

It is incomprehensible to me that anybody would ever demand or guilt somebody else into networking for them. Are you kidding me?

Alas, human kind has failed me again. Yes, that means exactly what you think it means. Somebody actually had the audacity to guilt people into networking for them. I witnessed it with my own two eyes and I was appalled for half of the night last night. I was beyond appalled; and, I have no idea what that even is.

I will tell you it was not in a professional setting; but that does not make a difference to me. I have worked for EVERYTHING I have [and don’t have, for that matter] in life, including my blog, and so have most of the people I know.

Don’t get me wrong, I have asked for a lot of help through the years, and even recently with my blog. Asking for help is IMPERATIVE in a world where a clogged toilet can be confusing. It is imperative to ask questions and ask for help. Simply imperative. However, for me, there is a line in networking and in seeking help that you should not cross. And if I sound pompous, I apologize, but if you cross that line and I am witness to that line being crossed, you are no longer credible to me as a professional [or a food blogger].

Yes, it is a hard decision to make, but unfortunately I made that decision last night.

For me networking and communicating with all of my friends in my virtual foodie world puts a smile on my face every single day. It is fun. It is exciting. Every day I know I am going to run into somebody new or a new recipe. I know it. And I think when you are having fun with what you are doing, when you are treating your friends, partners, competition, fellow foodies with respect and admiration, then good things will follow – new followers, new shouts, increased numbers, etc or a new job, new professional opportunities, etc. Whether it is in your virtual life or your professional life the way you treat people and how you conduct yourself is imperative to success, even if your success is slow and steady and does not take off like a wild fire.

Ever heard the story of the tortuous and the hare?

Life –professional or virtual - is not a popularity contest. For instance, instead of worrying about the amount of followers you may have on your website, worry about communicating and creating a bond with the people you have now. If you are successful with that, you are bound to increase your activity, no matter what!

The importance of networking is not to create a bunch of superficial connections only to use them to your benefit, or call in a favor when you need it or guilt people into doing what you want them to. No, networking is about boosting your relationships with other people knowing that if you are sincere in your pursuit, they will be sincere in their will to help you. Superficiality will always yield a disastrous outcome.

So, as I sit here with one person in mind I cannot help but to reflect on the moment this person appalled me. I had a few choice words and more than a few choice thoughts, which led me here today. While I may instantly put a person on blast when they are abusing their position, in some instances I will bite my tongue. In this particular instance, I will not approach the person, I will not tell you who the person is and I will not treat the person any differently. Wondering why, huh?

I will tell you. In some instances a person’s actions, as vile as they may be, create an outlet for something greater. How can something great come out of something vile? Well, take this post for instance. When this person crossed the line from trying to network to guilting & demanding others to help him/her in his/her networking endeavors it lit a fire under me. And that fire compelled me to think about the situation and write about the importance of networking and the importance of doing it right and not abusing the relationships you build [whether professionally or otherwise]. See, that’s a good thing, right?

Remember,

Networking is important;

Networking the right way is imperative;

Do not cross the line from networking to demanding your connections do something for you; and

Life is not a popularity contest, so have fun!

Because Life is Complicated Enough… without having to worry who is going to like you or hate you for not falling into their demands, I wrote this post to help you remember that life is not a popularity contest and you should not take people who do this to you so seriously!

Until Next Time,

Happy Networking